Rainbow country fete wedding

Hi Kat
My best friend is getting married really soon and I’m a bridesmaid. She has asked me to dye my hair dark brown or black, and to lose 10kgs for the wedding. 

Now I know that may not seem like a big deal but since leaving high school I have always channelled my personality into my hair. I’ve had pink hair for the last five years and switch it up occasionally with purple, blue, or green. I really don’t want to have my hair coloured darker as its such a pain in the ass to go through the whole bleaching process again. Am I being over-sensitive? Or is the bride’s word the law?

As for the weight loss I understand she wants me to look thin in the pictures, but I like the weight and body shape I have now. I feel like if she knew me and loved me she’d accept the way I look and the way I am. This is seriously stressing me out and making me quite depressed. Any advice?

If you’ve ever walked down the street and felt a million pairs of eyes on you, looking you up and down, wondering what would posses you to look and dress the way you do. then welcome to the club! It seems bonkers to me that in 2015 having unnaturally coloured hair still seems to shock so many people, but it does. In my (blue) head, those narrow minded people are the weirdos!

But I have never, ever felt judged by my friends for the way I present myself. Not only are most of them just as colourful and weird (by the way I say ‘weird’ as a massive compliment) as me, but even the ones that aren’t appreciate my differences and enjoy asking me about what colour I might dye my hair next and if I’ll get any more tattoos. I can’t for one second imagine being best friends with someone who didn’t think like that.

You’ll have to excuse me because it’s taking all my strength to not simply reply “WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS THIS BITCH’S PROBLEM?” and leave it at that. But asking someone to fundamentally change who they are for your wedding is not OK! Requesting that you to wear a dress you don’t necessarily love is one thing, but she’s expecting you to permanently strip the very things that define you and make you the beautiful, glorious individual that you are. That is just unacceptable. You are not being over-sensitive or unreasonable. I’m sorry, but your ‘friend’ sounds like a right royal bridezilla.

As for the weight loss thing… I mean, I can’t even fathom why someone would say that to another human being, least of all their best friend. We all know how strongly I feel about this issue anyway. Its bad enough when it comes from strangers, but from your best friend? Unforgivable.

Now I understand that not everyone is going to appreciate our penchant for rainbow tresses, lord knows why they’d find it so offensive but as I said, people are weird. Everyone on this planet (regardless of how conventional or unique they look) passes and experiences judgement from others and if you choose to stand our from the masses with your hair, clothing, body shape, WHATEVER, then its only going to come more frequently.

But (and this is a big but) I simply can not wrap my head around how your BEST FRIEND would feel OK about being so rotten to you. Yes, it’s her “big day” but that doesn’t give her a free pass to forget her manners. She knows what you look like, why would she even ask you to be in her wedding if she found it so offensive?

Regarding the hair colour issue only, I guess you have four options:

1. Dye your hair
2. Offer to wear a wig
3. Tell her you’d still love to be a bridesmaid but she has to take you as you are
4. Tell her to shove her invite to be a bridesmaid and find a new best friend

I know which option I’d be going for…

As for the weight loss thing, to me there is no question about it. If you are happy and healthy then never, ever, ever, under any circumstances should you feel the need to lose weight to keep someone else happy. FUCK. THAT.

And that’s all I have to say on the matter.

In all seriousness, if I was you I’d respectfully step away from my role as a bridesmaid. It’s a shitty and emotional situation, but being ‘fired’ or quitting a bridal party doesn’t always have to end the friendship. Although you might be raging (or is that just me?) and feeling rejected, if you maturely explain to her that this is you, you’re not going to change who you are for her wedding, but you’d still love to come along as a guest and have a great time with her, then the relationship might just be saved.