I never expected to fall in love at age 40, let alone get engaged for a second time! But the universe loves to surprise and delight us.

We get to define the events of our life in a way that works for us. We get to tell ourselves empowering stories, rather than painting ourselves as hopeless victims. So, no matter what stage of life you’re in — single, engaged, married, separated, divorced, celibate — I hope that you’re taking a moment to make this time rich and meaningful.

My divorce was actually a positive experience. So many of us automatically ascribe certain emotions to certain events which aren’t necessarily correct. For example, if you hear about a couple getting divorced and you think, “That’s so sad”… Is it really? Because I promise you, if their household had been full of laughter and honesty and shared vision, they wouldn’t be getting divorced! When I realised my first marriage wasn’t working, it was a hard thing to digest, for sure… But once we’d had the uncomfortable conversation about it, I decided that getting divorced would be the start of the rest of my life. And it was! I had my first book published, got a boob job and flew off to Italy with two of my best friends. We had a blast! (Spoiler alert: things have only gotten better since!)

After my divorce, I moved from New York City to Los Angeles and then to Orange County, dating a cast of colourful characters along the way. There have been highs and lows — rock stars, guys with substance abuse problems, great sex, and breaking up with someone because he snored — and I’ve learned so much. Mostly though, I’ve learned to rewire what I’m attracted to and how I show up in a relationship. And thank God for that!

My fiancé walked into my life at the perfect time. After months of dwelling on a relationship past, I finally decided I was too hot to be miserable, and I got back onto the dating apps! Our love story is an unconventional one. We went on three dates, and then I absconded to Europe for a month. Surprise surprise, we kept communicating while I was gone… And we fell head-over-heels in love with one another.

So, when we got engaged, in my kitchen, on Christmas Day, it was literally a dream come true. This engagement feels so different to my first. For example, my first engagement happened when I was 27 years old. I was living with a man I loved, we had two dogs, and I thought, ‘Hmm, I guess this is when you’re supposed to get married.’ It wasn’t because of some burning desire I felt to build a life with him; it wasn’t because he made me feel safe and relaxed; it was just a feeling of doing what society tells you to do.

Getting engaged for a second time is a magical experience. Maybe it’s a mixture of gratitude, the knowledge and experience that only comes with age, and knowing that your marriage won’t save you. This idea actually brings me a lot of peace!

I had the thought recently on our engagemoon in Mexico, that even though finding your person is wonderful, it isn’t the be-all and end-all. It doesn’t put an end to the existential angst we all feel from time to time. It doesn’t mean the two of you have to become one unit now!

In fact, I really believe that finding the right person makes it easier to dig into who you are. It makes it easier to go deep on your mission and your art, and cultivate your weirdness as much as you want. (I respectfully advise you that if your partner makes you feel small, or wants you to be different somehow, then this relationship might end up stifling you more than stimulating you!) I’m so damn grateful to now have a partner who loves me outrageously, but also gives me the trust and space to let me live my fullest life. What a gift!

The other fabulous thing about a second marriage is that you become even more indignant about doing it the way YOU want to do it. Even at the grand age of 40, my parents still want to advise me, press and cajole me… But mercifully, with age and wisdom, it’s easier than ever to disregard their opinions!

Planning the wedding has required me to expand my vision. Years of disappointing relationships had meant I’d closed my mental shutters to the idea of a wedding, so when my fiancé first asked me what my dream wedding looked like, all I saw in my head was a blank space. But the more time we spend together, the more we love each other, and the more we learn about each other, the more my vision of the wedding gets filled in.

For example, instead of a regular wedding cake, I’d like a burlesque performer to pop out of an enormous prop cake. I want the DJ to only play disco, with maybe a live band to expand the sound. And I might just make all the attendees wear pink (stay tuned!)

It blows my mind to consider that I am no longer in contact with a single solitary person who attended my first wedding, 13 years ago (not even my ex-husband!) Remembering this helps me loosen up on the idea of crafting a so-called “perfect” wedding. Now that I have more awareness of the way that friendships can ebb and flow and change, there’s less of a compulsion to spend an absolute bomb to thrill a group of people. Instead, it’s more about what we want, as a couple. What will thrill us. What will be fun to look back on.

And we really want a girl to jump out of a cake.

About Gala Darling

Gala Darling is a speaker and the bestselling author of Radical Self-Love: A Guide To Loving Yourself And Living Your Dreams, Magnetic Mindset: How To Make Love To The Universe And Manifest Anything, and Hologram Heart: A Radiant Guide To The Romantic Revolution. With a mission of making EFT/tapping mainstream and accessible, she has taught tapping and radical self love techniques to millions of women over the past fifteen years. Find her at galadarling.com and @galadarling on Instagram.

This article originally appeared in issue 57 of Rock n Roll Bride magazine. You can purchase the latest copy here, or why not subscribe to never miss an issue?