In many cases, when it comes to planning your rock n’ roll wedding, more is more is MORE. More cake? Yes please. More flowers? Don’t mind if I do! Another few inches on your glittery rainbow tie-dye veil? Just a few inches? Ha! Are you kidding? Give me another metre! Within the chaotic colourful cacophonous cornucopia of planning a wedding… it can be very easy to get completely carried away.

As you and your fiancé(e) launch into the process of celebrating your love exactly how you want to, everything in life can get turned up to 11. Suddenly, the whole wonderful world of weddings opens up to you, filled with endless suppliers offering you their services and everyone treating you like you are the stars of the show. On a serious note… I urge you to revel in every single second of that, because it’s spectacular, and because you ARE the stars of this show! But, whatever you do, don’t let your wedding fervour… become wedding fever.

Many honest brides would tell you that they went completely round the twist when they realised what wedding wonders were on offer to them – let’s not forget what happened to Carrie’s understated little plan the second Vera Wang got involved (I’m referencing Sex and The City there, don’t even talk to me about And Just Like That… “more” is definitely “too much” with that one) – and, more often than not, it’s because there can be such a sudden expectation for “more” when planning your wedding.

That expectation for more, however, can all-too-quickly become the pressure of too much. You need to make sure your canapés cater for everyone? Okay, that’s fair. You need to write beautiful vows that will make everyone laugh and cry in equal measure, while summarising your love in just a few sentences? Ummm… Well… AND you need 200 friends and family to gather in a field for a 20-minute firework display while you perform your first dance, which also happened to be choreographed by Anton Du Beke? Wait, what?

Maybe it’s been caused by the overwhelming fun of the world of weddings and you’ve just innocently lost your head. Maybe it’s a result of what you’ve seen others do at their weddings and you feel like you need to keep up. Maybe it’s because, without it all, you are worried that you and your day simply won’t be enough.

The moment you notice yourself doing more because you’ve been made to feel like you should, and not because you and your partner actually wanted and were able to… STOP. The moment you realise you’ve only gone all-out on something because you felt a sense of pressure to impress, to keep up, perhaps even to compete… STOP.

It is not just the good that gets maximised while you’re planning your wedding. The bad and the ugly can get really, really loud too. That family member you have an issue with? Get ready for that to become more tense than ever. That thing about the way you look that you’ve always struggled with? Prepare yourself for what that might bring up for you. Those nasty little feelings that creep in and tell you that you aren’t enough? They’re about to get really invasive if you don’t keep them in check.

While you’re planning your special day, the moment you feel something has become too much, it has. And that’s when you need stop and think: “less”.

If you’re not all that fussed about hiring a band or a DJ (and not doing so frees up some of the budget for the gorgeous wedding bands you reeeeaaaallly wanted but couldn’t quite afford) then get that Spotify playlist ready and ask some pals to man the laptop.

If you’re not bothered about some snarky, judgmental guest making a comment about the lack of favours… then don’t spend your precious budget on a bunch of little gifts that are destined to be forgotten about and left in a drawer within weeks!

If you are including something in your wedding day because you feel you should and not because you actually want to… don’t include it.

If you’re doing something because you’re worried that, if you don’t, your day will be somehow lacking… bin it off immediately.

Whatever elements you choose to include in your wedding day will be the right ones… because it was you who chose them. And whatever you don’t have, well, you didn’t want it anyway, so who cares?

As soon as you can during the planning process, write yourself a list. Grab your partner, sit down together, and write a list of what really matters to you both for your day. Then, as you inevitably get swept up in the whirlwind journey of wedding-planning, hold tight to that list. Use it to find your North again, whenever you have lost your way. Use it as a reminder that, at the beginning, you didn’t give two hoots about what shape napkin-holders you had. Use it to help you hold fast to what it is you wanted to do, not what is expected or done by others.

No one’s wedding should make them sick with overwhelm, get them in debt, or make them feel they are not enough. As the world of weddings crescendos around you, here is a very important notion to hold onto, which might just help bring down the fever: sometimes “more” may be more, but “too much” is always too much. At the end of the day, if you’re doing your wedding how the two of you truly want to, trust me, it’ll be perfect… more or less.

ABOUT RACHEL

Rachel is a writer and contemporary singing teacher. Her children’s book, The Doll’s House Mouse, won the Bath Children’s Novel Award 2021. You can find her online at racheldarwin.com and on Instagram @rachelbdarwin.

This article originally appeared in issue 53 of Rock n Roll Bride magazine. You can purchase the latest copy here, or why not subscribe to never miss an issue?