These are dark times for the wedding world. Dark, dark times. If this were a Disney film, the mice would be in shackles, and there’d be a rooster crooning, “But not in Nottingham” from the corner of a stony cell.

An idea has been growing slowly beneath our feet, in our peripheral, in the corners of our mind. A new-age abhorrence that has me scratching my weary dinosaur head with my little dinosaur claw. And with its arrival, we hit rock-bottom in our descent into a lake of vapidity. It is, without hyperbole, the final downfall of romance.

I bring you: wedding content.

Love pushed aside for likes

Sorry about that, there was a grumpy old man on my keyboard. But you gotta admit, the old boy’s got a point.

The social media side of weddings has taken off massively, to the point of taking over. Outside your wedding sits a hoard of uninvited guests. Peering into your day, appraising every detail, judging your every choice. And with them, a new wave of anxiety; the pressure to be perfect. Soon, you’re not planning your wedding for you, you’re planning it for them.

On the day, the quest for content can become all-consuming. Sprinting from one must-have trend to the next, hungry for engagement, likes and shares. Fuck the guests, we have followers to impress.

Ahhh, the good old days, when you only had your parents to please.

But to some extent, it’s inescapable. Social media has become ingrained into our psyche. Consciously or not, its influence on your wedding isn’t so much a choice as a reality, a fact. Of all the external pressures you have to deal with, it’d be easier to uninvite your parents.

But something needs to be done, right? This is your day. Not Instagram’s. Not TikTok’s. And definitely not your fucking followers’. And since we can’t remove it, let’s embrace it.

It’s time to befriend the beast. Let’s turn that toxic relationship into a healthy one.

Get your priorities straight

The problem with social media is that it’s all so very…alluring. You thumb-scroll through endless miles of Faceapped or AI perfection. And before long, you can’t tell the difference between what you actually want, and what this imaginary world tells you to want. In these beguiling seas, you’ll be thankful for a compass.

So, here’s what you do. Before you even look at social media, sit down together and make a list of all the things that are really important to you. What styling you love and what trends and traditions take your fancy. Et voila! You have a template for what your priorities were before Insta took hold.

While I can’t promise you won’t get siren-called by Instagram’s seductive charms, at least you’ll know if you drift off course.

The ‘who, how, what’ filter

A social media circus isn’t something that happens overnight. It’s one of those things that happens gradually, imperceptibly. A champagne pour here, a Reel there, and then before you know it, BAM! You’re having seven outfit changes, a choreographed first dance and only three minutes with your nan in between filming all the TikToks. It’s easy to lose your way.

So, before you make any planning, styling, or timeline decisions, run it through the ‘who, how, what’ filter.

Who are you doing this for?
How important will this be to you in twenty years’ time?
What are you giving up in exchange?

At the centre of this test is an all-important wedding planning truth: whenever you make a choice, you’re making it instead of something else.

That Insta-ready flower arch could’ve been a mini-break after your wedding. That staged ‘first look’ with a parent could’ve been a private core-memory. The 15 minutes filming a TikTok could’ve been a chance to dance with your grandad. There’s only so much money, and so many minutes. You’ll find a lot of things lose their appeal in light of what you’re giving up.

Control the plug

A lot of our social media anxiety comes from that feeling of being watched all the time, of always having to be on guard. We’ll be enjoying a moment, and someone’s phone will come into our field of vision. The phone has our attention, our self-consciousness has our attention.

And just like that…the moment’s ruined, because we’re not in it anymore.

For me, this is the most tragic irony of social media. Our compulsive need to document every moment stops us from actually enjoying them. We are the most photographed generation in history, and the least present.

I guess that’s one of the reasons why unplugged ceremonies are becoming so popular. Knowing that everyone is in the moment with you makes it all the more special. And best of all, it closes off the doors to the outside world. It’s all very freeing.

So, why not an unplugged meal? An unplugged drinks reception? How about an entirely unplugged day?! Forget the phones, and be in the moment. Be fully present, and give your undivided attention to the people you’re with.

If your feed absolutely must be fed, take control of how and when. Actively protect the more meaningful parts of your day from social media, and leave behind all the pressures that come with it.

Remember who matters

Truth bomb alert

None of your followers actually care about you. They’ll scroll your carousel, hit that heart, maybe leave a comment or two. But they’ll forget about your wedding in less than a minute. And if your day is a disaster, they’ll be stuffing popcorn through a mask of sympathy. And it works both ways, right? If any of them really mattered, you would’ve invited them.

My best advice: empty your mind of these cardboard cutout friends. Don’t perform for them. Don’t spend money to impress them. And don’t sacrifice a second of your day at the altar of their approval. They. Do. Not. Matter.

If ever you feel that swell of pressure, take a breath, and take a look around at the people you’re with. Study their faces, listen to their voices. Remember everything you can about that moment and etch it into your mind.

Because you know who does matter? Your friends, your family. The people who’ve travelled across the country to be with you. Each other. That’s who you should be thinking about on your wedding day. Not the people who love you for the ‘perfect’ person you share with the world. But the ones who love you for the imperfect person you are.

ABOUT JON CARPENTER

Jon has been writing about weddings for over six years and been married to a wedding photographer for seven. He proposed in Kefalonia, got married in Whitstable, eloped in Vegas and now lives in…well, Drayton. But at least the first three sounded cool. Either way, wedding-wise, he’s pretty wedding wise.

This article originally appeared in issue 54 of Rock n Roll Bride magazine. You can purchase the latest edition here, or why not subscribe to never miss an issue?